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The frontier of 
Mind/Body Healing Dr. Robert Weissfeld About NeurOntogenics

How do I react to thee? Let me count the ways...

Understand these 3 statements, and you can understand why it is so hard to keep a relationship clear and growing.


‘Love brings up anything unlike itself’

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‘Every relationship we have is built on the ones that came before it.’

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‘The brain particularly remembers that which went badly, assumes more  there will be more of it, and enacts its pre-existing plans to protect us from it.’  


When we fall in love, it is not only with the other, it is also with ourselves. We know we are perfect just the way we are as we feel our love reflected back to us from the eyes of our beloved. This initial unconditional love for the other and ourselves invariably opens a doorway to the deepest beliefs, fears and expectations we have about relationship, learned from previous relationships, especially those from early childhood.

Despite ourselves, even if we see it happening – and often we don’t- we begin to react to our partners based on how our brain was calibrated in earlier times. Like the maxim ‘a lie travels halfway around the world before the truth gets it’s shoes on’, the interpretation of our partner’s word, action or gesture may create a reaction and defensive stance before the conscious mind even begins to appraise the situation.

An example: Your partner, after a minor disagreement about what to have for breakfast, announces her intention to go to the store. Before you have the opportunity to invoke the knowledge that it is just your partner going the store, your brain has ‘googled’ the cues from the situation, and its top 20 results all arise from when you felt abandoned as a child. These results launch the complete program of how it felt to be a child, complete with a child’s capacities, understanding and feelings. One trip to the store, and we morph into feeling like abandoned children who cannot take care of ourselves. Recognizing the feelings as inappropriate,  we may then beat ourselves up for having such childish feelings.

Even while we don’t consciously buy into any of this, the feelings nonetheless seem irrevocably true.   So we make a decision: ‘It is too painful to disagree, I will give in from now on about the little things,’ (then, later the big things) or, ‘I shouldn’t need this person so much, I won't let myself feel so vulnerable again,’ or ‘my partner needs things to go just his way, and I won’t put up with that’, or a thousand other variations of defense that miss the basic point – there was nothing to react to in the first place.

Thus, the walls are erected that degrade the relationship.





“Relationships-of all kinds-are like sand held in your hand.

Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.

Author unknown

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Schedule an Intro - appointment for Recalibration -(each partner needs to schedule seperately)

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